Email hazards

Workplace romances are dangerous. The drama after the inevitable break-up, trying to hide it from other co-workers and/or your partner at home... Not for me. Of course, I can see the adventure in it, and I heard that having a quickie in the office supply room is really exiting, and that it adds another dimension to the game if you Xerox your partners but while doing the deed, but I never found the time for that. Can’t be bothered. As far as I now at least.

Cause one time at a previous company, somebody used my emailacount/adress to send some steamy emails to an attractive female co-worker of mine, with apparently some very interesting suggestions. I guess I was lucky, cause she was actually interested. I mean., she didn't report me for sexual intimidation. Instead, she let me know at a personnel meeting that she was potentially interested in my proposals.
I guess it takes a better man than me to look very intelligent, when a woman tells you that she didn't mind those x-rated mails you were sending (that you didn't), and was considering too perform the lewd acts that you tried her to perform. The proposals you never made. (Trust me, in a situation like that, your mind will project a stream of ideas that would be shocking to any age group, and get you jailed in most countries. This does not help you look like you don’t have a clue what she is talking about. Even if you really don’t have a clue)
In the end I managed to convince her that the mails were not send by me.
That was the last thing I heared about it. As far as identity theft goes, it is not a shocking tale. No obvious harm was done, no credit cards pillaged.

Maybe. Cause when tried to get back to that company, I received a rather cold standard letter saying I didn't fit the profile. From a person that I used to know, so for all I know, I am known there as the guy who sends out proposals to co-workers for some after hours spanking sessions on the reception desk (to be booked as overtime, of course). Now if I was in a profession like fashion or advertising, or TV (preferably the Italian broadcasting system), I could at least entertain myself by picturing this when I am bored.
I work IT.

Rabbit watching

It is official, I exist. I have my first comment on a Captain Fabulous posting!!!! Granted, somebody came to my blog hoping to find some usefull information about rabbits, not to indulge in my cutting edge satire, but he/she seemed to enjoy the read. So, that is completly in the purpose of this blog, to be fun for both writer and reader.
Since we live in commercial times, I'll post another rabbit piece soon. After all, when you think about it, there are many people blogging out there, all hoping to be discovered. And probably loads of them think they are funny. But how many out there have seven rabbits, without any intention of using them in the kitchen, take time every day to observe them and have secret dreams of doing to rabbit observation what Desmond Morris did to human watching? That just might be my corner of the market!

Rabbits; Terminator

Terminator earned his name when as a young rabbit, he killed a rat that came into his cage. At least, we think he did, we found a dead young rat with his throat bitten in his cage one morning. Unfortunatly, this event made him aware of the fact that he can use his teeth against any intruders, and since then he cann't be trusted not to bite us either.
Of course, he doesn't bite because he like to hurt us, he just doesn't understand he is not supposed to do it. Because of our "successfull" family planning, we had two litters in a row, and he was separated from his mother rather young because of this (and from his brothers and sisters, cause we gave them away quickly knowing a second wave was coming). So he was alone in a cage, and became possesive of his territory. And his signal for "you're invading my private space (something entering his cage or touching him)" became a quick bite.
So in a way, he is the victim of a neglected childhood. Of course, it is a nuisance that we have to be carefull when we feed him, or when we take him out of his cage we have to watch our fingers, but it's a minor inconvenience.
He lookes so much like his late father that we forgive him almost everything.
You can get to his soft side if you stick some grass through the wires of his cage, so he can eat from your hands (protected from his teeth). Then the rough guy becomes a responsive, affectionate annimal that seems to understand the concept of time, in a way that he understands that he is receiving your time, that you could also have spend with another rabbit. But you choose him, and he appreciates that.

Rabbits 2; The family tree

(These stories are about our rabbits. Right now, we have the mother and 6 of her children with us. It's like a private minizoo I gues, but they give so much fun and inspiration, that you can call it what you want,I don't care. They live in "rabbit central" a collection of cages in our back garden we made ourselfs from materials lying around from repairing the house.)

The family tree of our rabbit family(1st litter was also 5, but we managed to give al but one away)

Vincent (m) (1999 - 2005) x Sneezjinka (f)

Children:

Terminator (m)
Shirhan aka 'threecolours' (m)
Rizjik (m)
Masha (f)
Dasha (f)
Grijsje (m)

Vincent:

Bearded rabbit, grey-brown fur with a white chest.
For several years, he was the only rabbit in the house. He was allowed to walk in the room every evening, and always behaved perfect. He was a perfoming artist who created his own version of the 'cups and bals' trick, without balls. This is how it worked: if we put some bright colored plastic cups of different size on the bench in front of him, he would take them in his mouth, and stack them on top of each other.
For some reasson he liked to lick the tip of my nose, whenever I put my face close to him.
A special treat was to gently scratch his ears. sadly we lost him last year after an operation on his mouth.

Pleefiguur

Sommige mensen hebben altijd pech.
Neem nu Eelco Brinkman. Als minister van Cultuur en Volksgezondheid in de jaren ‘80 regelmatig het doelpunt van protest door ouderen vanwege bezuinigingen op de zorg, protest door kunstenaars wegens te weinig subsidie, etc. Niets kon de man goed doen voor het publiek.
Toen zou Ruud Lubbers afscheid nemen van de politiek, en Brinkman zou de opvolger worden, de gedoodverfde nieuwe minister president van Nederland. Regeren zonder CDA kon toch niet?
Maar de campagne ging niet zo lekker, Brinkman bleek niet zo mediageniek, werd telkens met verontrustend uitpuilende ogen gefotografeerd…en de ouwe billenknijper wilde eigenlijk toch zelf de baas blijven.
Toegegeven, Eelco stond inderdaad vreselijk voor paal stond door de 'energieke' manier waarop hij tijdens promotiepraatjes over het podium huppelde, de zogenaamde 'Brinkman shufle'. Een idee van de campagneleider, die hem een energieke, dynamische uitstraling wou geven. Op zich geen slecht idee, Eelco had het tv-charisma van een parkeerautomaat voor zover ik me kan herinneren. Maar de uitvoering, afijn, als de kijkers (potentiële kiezers) zich bij het zien van de kandidaat afvragen of hij

a. nodig moet plassen
b. op intieme plekken jeuk heeft
c. de avondvierdaagse oefent op het podium

heb je een probleem. Dag Eelco….

Aftocht, vergetelheid en jaren niets meer van gehoord. Af en toe wat nieuws, voorzitter van vage besturen en andere zaken, kwam weer even in beeld toen een rapport uit kwam dat de bouwbedrijven nog steeds fraudeerde, en als voorzitter van de bond van bouwbedrijven mocht hij uitleggen dat ze daar nu echt mee op gingen houden, niets schokkend. Eelco had eindelijk zijn draai gevonden leek het, fijn voor de man, iedereen verdiend plezier en succes in zijn of haar werk tenslotte.
Recentelijk werd hij zelfs genoemd als 'de machtigste man achter de schermen in Nederland' of iets dergelijks. Eelco zat op het juiste spoor. Niet meer de pispaal van subsidie ontvangend zich kunstenaar noemend Nederland, de boeman die pas rollators wilde geven aan mensen boven de 70, mits vergezeld van hun ouders.

Totdat zijn vrouw (licht bekende waterverf schilderes, die in wenskaarten en kalenders doet, en wel eens een columpje voor vrouwenbladen schrijft) gestrikt werd voor spotjes van Activia. Dat product, dat de reclame blokken vervuilt met vrolijke filmpjes vol vrouwen onder elkaar, die bespreken hoe ze van hun verstopte, opgeblazen gevoel af zijn sinds ze het product gebruiken. Compleet met pijltjes die op hun buik worden geprojecteerd om aan te geven hoe hun darmen zijn schoongeveegd door de yoghurtbacteriën.

Sommige mensen hebben altijd pech.
De vrouw van de machtigste man van Nederland zit in een filmpje over yoghurt waar je zo lekker van gaat schijten. Wat was de uitdrukking ook al weer, een plee figuur slaan?

Pharmaceutical print and audiovisual products

Lets face it, the porn industry has a very important task. It shows every man that even if you have the looks a rather ugly gorilla, and people at first glimps suspect you were the love child between the bearded woman on the circus side show, and a baboon with a bad hair day, you cann still get laid.

Compared with the invention of penniciline or other big breakthroughs in sience, this might be trivial. But most people manage quit well in daily life without taking penniciline every week. But even the most sloppy guy has to look in the mirror on a weekly basis (It is perfectly possible to shower every day and not look in the mirror for days, if you're a man. This is not a hygene thing I am talking about.). And thus get confronted with their own appearance. Since a lot of guys miss the skills of the female species in improving the situation, depression is instant and lasts for days. Some try, but the public transport system is full of examples where their well intended attemps only made it worse.

Sofar, no peniciline is known who can cure this blues. And the sales figures of the 'pharmaceutical print and audiovisual industry' sugests they can....